At Glosten, a leading naval architecture and marine engineering firm, the talent runs deep. These are some of the sharpest minds in the industry, solving incredibly complex problems.

Yet even in high-performing environments, one challenge kept surfacing: Delivering difficult feedback

In a culture that is positive, genial, and often conflict-averse, feedback often came in the form of markups on a drawing. The edits were precise, but the message behind them was silent: “Fix this.” What was missing was developmental feedback – the kind that helps someone grow in their craft and leadership.

We worked with the Glosten team on how to hold crucial conversations: the difficult feedback moments that, if handled well, build stronger leaders and stronger teams. One of the biggest takeaways? Conflict isn’t a dirty word. Like fire, it can destroy, but it can also power progress when harnessed skillfully.

Tools for Your Next Difficult Conversation:

 Addressing Loss

Every difficult conversation carries potential losses: harmony, relationship ease, or even status. Naming these helps people engage.

• Recognize that resistance often comes from fear of loss, not resistance to change itself.
• Make explicit that disagreeing doesn’t mean disconnecting.
• Anchor your conversation to purpose. Reframe conflict as a way of strengthening – not weakening – relationships.

Understanding Stories

Our brains quickly fill gaps with assumptions. To avoid this trap, try:

• State the facts: “You’ve submitted three reports past deadline this month.”
• Share your story: “I’m concerned this signals overwhelm or disengagement.”
• Invite their perspective: “How are you experiencing this? What’s your take?”

This structure prevents judgment from sneaking in and creates space for the other person’s reality.

Skillful Words

The words we choose create different neural responses in the brain.

• “You’re always late”  triggers defensiveness.
• “I’ve noticed you’ve been late the past three meetings” grounds the conversation in observation.
• Swapping absolutes (“always,” “never”) for specifics helps the other person stay engaged instead of shutting down.

Consistent & Persistent Feedback

Feedback is not a one-time event. Documentation systems are useful, but they can’t replace real conversations.

• Small, frequent feedback creates a culture of development.
• Feedback should be persistent (repeated over time) and consistent (not only when things go wrong).